Time to write The Rules
by BenquashaFraser
Summary: After Hiatus, Gibbs decides he owes it to Tony to write The Rules for him. Warning: Mentions a main character considering suicide
1. Chapter 1

This is set between Hiatus and Shalom. _**There are spoilers for episodes in seasons 1-3.**_

* * *

**Time to write The Rules**

Gibbs leaned back against the cabin of his boat, the sun warming his face. He breathed in deeply through his nose and smiled at the mix of smells that now made up his life. The smell of his wooden boat was by far his favourite - it hadn't taken him long to finish it after he had left NCIS and had had the time to work on it full time. The thought of how he'd had to leave NCIS made the smile fade from his face and not even the smell of salt water seas laden with fish just waiting to be caught could bring it back.

He looked down at the pen held loosely in his right hand and the notepad resting gently in his left palm. His left hand was lying on his left thigh as sat on the rocking deck of the Shannon Kelly. This was something that he had to do. Frank had left before he had had time to teach Jethro all of the rules and Jethro had been forced to figure them out on his own. Now he had his own list of rules, The Golden Rules that every NCIS special agent needed to know. He had told Ziva once that they weren't written and that there were 50 of them; she had asked, quite reasonably, how she was supposed to learn them. He had just told her that it was his job to teach her - a job he was yet to finish. It had seemed like an obvious answer to him at the time; he hadn't known that events out of his control were going to change his life forever. Only now he wasn't there and Tony was left in charge but Tony doesn't know all of the rules. Gibbs stopped his thoughts. They were starting to ramble. When had his thoughts started rambling? That never would have happened if he was still at NCIS but the truth of the matter is - he isn't still at NCIS. That is why he has to do this - the one thing he has left to do. Jethro looked down at the notepad in his hand again and began to write.

The NCIS Special Agent's 50 Golden Rules

1. Never let suspects stay together.

2. Always wear gloves at a crime scene.

3. Don't believe what you're told. Double check.

4. Never be unreachable

Jethro stopped writing. He knew that he had once said that "never be unreachable" was rule number 3 but rule number 3 was definitely "don't believe what you are told. Double check." Jethro realised he was chewing the end of his pen and abruptly stopped, frowning. When had he started chewing his pen? Rule number 5 was the first in the list that none of his team knew yet. Jethro was disheartened to realise that he had taught them so few. He closed the notepad and put it back in his pocket. He would go back to writing them later - when he could hold his pen steady.

He stood and went down into the cabin and turned the boat back to shore. The seas were starting to get rough and Jethro didn't want to be caught out in a storm - his boat represented too much that was precious to him, for him to be willing to risk it getting damaged in a storm that he could avoid. After tying the boat off he walked slowly back to his cabin, rubbing his thumb over the notepad in his pocket as he thought about all the rules he had left to write in there and sighed.

Jethro sat down at the oak table in his kitchen a looked out of the window. The sky was dark and the rain was dancing across the glass. Jethro smiled at being right and at the rain. Kelly used to love watching the rain when she was a very young child.

He remembered once when he had been sitting on her bed reading her a bed time story and she had looked towards the window. A huge grin had bloomed on her face as she turned to look him, her eyes sparkling with joy.

"What is it sweetie?" He had asked her, curiosity filling his voice. He looked from her to the window but all he could see was that it was a miserable night outside and that he wasn't going to be able to cut the grass the next day, like he had planned.

She had given him a look that said quite simply -silly daddy-, he had smiled at that and raised an eyebrow at her. She had giggled. "It's raining daddy." He had smiled and lifted her out of bed, sitting her on his knee. He wrapped his arms around her and sat so that he was leaning against the headboard and both of them could see the window.

"I see that, sweetie. Why'd it make you smile?" She had leaned against him and smiled.

"The water's free, daddy. It's happy - that's why it's dancing." Jethro had looked down at his 6 year old daughter in amazement; he loved the way she looked at the world. Her head was resting on his shoulder and her eyes were closed. He moved carefully and gently laid her back on her bed. After tucking her, he kissed her on the forehead.

"Goodnight Kelly. I love you." As he had been walking out the door, Kelly rolled over on her side so that she was facing him.

"Night daddy, love you too." Jethro had given her a huge smile before switching off the light and closing the door until it was ajar.

A lone tear travelling down Jethro's cheek brought him back to the present. He looked at the notepad and picked up the pen to begin writing again.

5. Never let a bad guy get away.

6. Never lie to your boss.

7. Always be specific when you lie.

8. Never take anything for granted.

9. Never go anywhere without a knife.

10. Always listen to your gut.

The number ten had always been Kelly's favourite number - that made it Gibbs' most important rule. He sighed and put down his pen once more. He hadn't realised beforehand how closely tied his rules were to memories of his daughter and wife. Writing these rules was going to be more of an emotional rollercoaster than he had bargained for. He left the notepad open on the table and got up. Grabbing the bottle of bourbon off the side, Jethro went to bed.

The next morning Jethro walked into the kitchen and dumped the empty bourbon bottle in the bin. He looked out of the window; the only evidence of last night's storm was a solitary line of water running down the outside of the glass. It looked so sad, so alone, and Jethro couldn't tear his eyes away from it. He ran his finger down the glass, following the water.

"How does rain make you feel?" He had asked Shannon as he walked into the living room after putting Kelly to bed that night. She had looked at him quizzically and laughed softly.

"Where's this coming from Jethro?" She had asked softly as he had sat down beside her on the couch. He had just given her a look and she had smiled and shook her head. "Okay. I'll humour you." That had made him smile; he had loved how they were both on the same wavelength. "It makes me feel sad. It's like the world is crying." He had nodded and pulled her close, so she was leaning back against his chest, his arms wrapped around her. She had leaned her head her head back and repeated her question. "Where's this coming from Jethro?" He had shifted slightly so that his head was resting on her shoulder.

"It makes Kelly happy. She told me that the rain is happy and that's why it dances on the windows." Shannon had laughed softly and smiled. Jethro had closed his eyes; he loved the sound of Shannon's laugh.

When he opened his eyes he was back in his kitchen, alone once more. Even the line of water that had been trickling down his window was gone. He took a deep breath and poured a cup of coffee from the coffee maker. It was set on a timer so that when he came down in the morning there would always be a pot waiting for him. If he came down late then it was cold but that didn't matter - it was still coffee. He turned, carrying the cup and sat sown at the table. It was then that he noticed the notepad and remembered the task he had set himself.

Pulling the notepad closer, he took a huge swig of coffee. He shook his head in dismay when he saw that he had only written 10 rules. -You're going to have to do better than that if this list is going to be of any use to DiNozzo- he told himself sharply. He took another huge gulp of his coffee before putting the mug down and picking up the pen.

11. Always look out for your team.

12. Never date a co-worker.

13. Trust should be earned not given.

14. Always get to a meeting 5 minutes early.

15. Failure is not an option.

16. Other agencies are full of idiots.

17. Never trust an undercover agent unless it's one of your own.

18. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

19. Preparation is the key to success.

20. Excuses are for school children, the CIA and the FBI.

Jethro closed the notebook - ten rules was enough for breakfast; he had a bus to catch in half an hour. He drained the rest of his coffee and filled a travel mug with the rest of the coffee from the pot (it was a big travel mug). As he passed the table, on his way to the door, he grabbed the notepad and slid it in his pocket. Maybe he'd have time to do more later. He shook his head, reminding himself of Rule number 32 and told himself that he will have time to do it because it is important.


	2. Chapter 2

The bus ride had been long and uneventful. Jethro had used the trip to organise his thoughts. He would have written down some more of the rules but the roads had had more bumpy patches than his last marriage had had. As he walked slowly across the sandy beach, dotted with grey rocks, his eyes landed on the rock he was heading for. There were so many memories on this beach and from this rock he could see where each and every one of them had taken place.

He sat down on the rock and looked over to his left. The Mountains could be seen on the other side of the water. It was there that he had first met Shannon. She had been out for a picnic with her friends and he had been training. With a full pack on his back and wearing his boots and fatigues he had been running on the path past where she was eating and laughing. Her laugh had been the first thing to catch his attention; he couldn't help but turn his head to look in the direction of the sound. He had caught her eyes and was unable to tear his eyes from her to look where he was going. For that reason he hadn't noticed the small boulder until he was flying through the air. His pack winded him but it had been worth it because she had laughed again.

With his mind filled with the sound of Shannon's laughter that day, Jethro took the notepad and pen out of his pocket. He re-read the rules he had already written and smiled at number 20. It always made him smile but it was still the truth. Time to start writing again he told himself.

21. Sleep on the Plane - you never know when you're going to get another chance.

22. If you haven't got the evidence - bluff

23. Never mess with a marine's coffee if you want to live.

24. Apologising is a sign of weakness - never apologise.

25. If all else fails - shoot it.

Another set of important rules. Number 25 had always served him well. He smiled as he remembered shooting a ranger in the butt. The guy had asked for it, Jethro hadn't needed to shoot him in the butt but it had given him a certain sense of satisfaction.

He looked up from his notepad at the beach to his right. About 500 yards from where he sat, Kelly had caught her first fish. She had been 7 at the time and eager to learn to fish. Shannon and he had taken her to this beach and she had caught a massive fish. She had been so happy to see that hers was bigger than her dad's. Her eyes had been sparkling with happiness that day; her eyes had always sparkled. To Jethro it had been one of the greatest things about his daughter - the way she saw the good in everything; the way everything was so fresh and new to her. God he missed her.

Swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat, he turned back to his notebook. He wrote slowly, his hand shaking as he tried to suppress the sadness that was building inside him.

26. Politicians are idiots - treat them accordingly.

27. If you have to negotiate with a terrorist, make sure you kill them afterwards.

28. Always go through the chain of command.

29. NEVER let a case go cold.

30. Attempting to bribe your boss is a sign of brain damage… or stupidity.

The sadness continued to grow. It tightened his chest and crushed his heart. He had to take bigger breaths in an attempt to get the oxygen to his lungs and not just his throat. He remembered the last time he had sat on this rock. It was the first time he had considered killing himself.

His heart had been heavy and his future bleak. All that he had loved was gone and now that he had had his revenge he had no purpose left on Earth. He had held his pistol in his hand, feeling its weight and knowing that all he had to do to end the pain was pull the trigger. He had sat for hours looking down the barrel of his pistol. As his hand had begun to squeeze the trigger a small voice had stopped him.

"Whatcha doing mister?" He had looked up and seen a young girl, who was about the age that Kelly had been when she died. Her open and honest expression had Jethro looking at the weapon in his hand and lowering it in embarrassment.

"I'm thinking kiddo." She had walked over and sat beside him.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"My daughter, my wife," he had replied sadly.

"Where are they?" Jethro closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that were threatening to flow. The girl's questions sounded so simple, so innocent, but they tore at Jethro's soul and broke his heart.

"They're gone." He told her. She looked at him, questioning him, with her honest eyes.

"Where'd they go?"

"Heaven," he whispered, mostly to himself.

"Why?" That one word broke Jethro's control and he had broke down in tears. The young girl had taken the gun from his hands and unloaded it before placing it on the sand. As Jethro sat there, his shoulders shaking and tears streaming down his face, the girl wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. As the tears subsided, Jethro sniffed.

"I don't know." He had murmured softly. "I don't know."

"What would they have said if they had found you on this beach?"

Jethro had just shook his head continuing with his mantra of "I don't know." The young girl held him closer and whispered in his ear.

"I do." She told him. "They would have told you that they love you. They would have told you not to make yourself into their murderer's last victim. They would have told you not to give up and that there is so much you have left to do in this world. Then they would have told you once more that they love you and that they will never leave you." Jethro had wiped his eyes and looked at the little girl, this time he really looked at her. She looked so young and yet there was a knowledge and wisdom in her kind eyes that had surpassed her age.

"Who are you?" He had asked her. She had just smiled and squeezed his shoulder before standing up and walking away.

"I'm a friend of Kelly's. She asked me to come and help her daddy. She told me to tell you that she loves you." Then the girl had turned and walked off, fading into the horizon, as if she had been a dream. He had sighed and looked down at his pistol, lying in the sand. The sadness was still there but the crushing pain was a little more bearable and for the first time since killing the bastard who had taken his heart from him, Jethro felt that perhaps he could fumble through this world, protecting others from knowing the pain that he had felt.


	3. Chapter 3

Jethro sat in an airport waiting room a small carry-on rucksack at his feet and a ticket he had bought only minutes earlier in his pocket. He pulled out the notepad and continued writing. He was no longer sure if he would be giving these rules to Tony but the act of writing them down helped him to collect his thoughts.

31. If you think the boss is wrong make sure you get evidence to back you up.

32. If you have a job to do be damn sure you make time for it.

33. Never underestimate your opponent.

34. Only stop looking for information when YOU are satisfied that you have it all.

35. Only your best is good enough.

Jethro quickly pocketed the notepad and pen when his flight was called. Sliding his ticket and passport out of his pocket he walked decisively towards his departure gate. Once on the plane and in the air Jethro pulled his notebook out of his pocket. God he missed canvas seats!

36. Social lives are for Senior Citizens and the unemployed.

37. Never mess with the forensic scientist's Caf-Pow! if you want to keep all your body parts in their correct place.

38. Always carry a notepad and pen with you.

39. Lying to other agencies is an age-old tradition - don't break it!

Jethro finished writing the rules and pocketed his notepad. His plane landed he made his way outside. He pulled his cell out of his pocket and attempted to turn it on - nothing happened. Throwing his cell in the bin, Jethro went to a payphone and dialled a well known number.

"Tobias." He greeted the man on the other end.

"Ye, I know. I got bored." Jethro laughed.

"Do me favour? Give me a ride to NCIS?"

"I'm at the airport."

"Ye. That's the one."

"Great. Thanks. I'll see you in 20 then." Jethro sat down on the curb with his rucksack beside him and waited for his friend. He was bound to get the 'I told you so' speech from Tobias when he picked him up. He mentally steeled himself when he spotted his friend's car.

"What are you doing back in town Gibbs?" Tobias asked when Jethro had closed the car and they were on their way to NCIS.

"I had a job to do and I haven't finished it yet." Tobias laughed.

"Please don't tell me you only came back to finish that boat you were growing in your basement!" It was Jethro's turn to laugh.

"No. I came back because I left unfinished business at NCIS and I'll be damned if some politician is going to stop me from finishing it!"

"You know I have to say this but…"

"Ye I know. You told me so." Laughing the two men settled into a friendly banter about work, ex-wives and idiotic car drivers.

As he pulled up in front of NCIS Tobias squeezed Jethro's shoulder and wished him luck.

Jethro climbed the stairs up to his old office. He would've used the elevator but it was stuck between floors. He was just nearing the top of the stairs when he started to hear his team.

"McGee! I want to know the names of everyone who entered or left that building in the last 24 hours." He could hear DiNozzo barking orders with a sense of authority about him that Jethro had never heard from the younger agent before.

"On it boss." McGee's automated response didn't surprise Jethro. He had heard the younger agent call DiNozzo boss before.

"Ziva take this down to Abby. I want you and her to go through it. If you find anything follow it up." DiNozzo's attitude towards Ziva had definitely changed, as had Ziva's attitude towards DiNozzo. It was becoming clearer to Jethro that DiNozzo was proving himself to be a more than capable team leader.

"On it." No smart remarks, no biting comments - Jethro was amazed by the change in his agents in such a short time. He watched, hidden out of sight as Ziva hurried off to the lad and McGee typed furiously at his computer. DiNozzo sat behind his desk, he hadn't moved to take over Gibbs' desk - that one appeared to be empty.

"Gibbs you can come out of hiding now. We really don't have the time to play hide and seek. We have a pressing case and the Director still hasn't found an extra agent for the team. What do you want?" Jethro stepped out from where he had been hiding and walked to stand in front of DiNozzo. DiNozzo lifted his head to meet Gibbs' gaze and Gibbs recognised the emotions that were being restrained by the younger man. Anger and betrayal danced in his eyes like tigers eager to be released from their cage.

"What's the case?" He asked trying to find something to say to the man before him. He didn't know this man; he wasn't the same agent he had left here only 6 months earlier. DiNozzo's facial features and posture hardened further and he fixed Jethro with a cold glare.

"I cannot discuss an ongoing investigation with any one outside of NCIS. Is that why you came here Gibbs? To check up on us? Well we're doing our jobs just fine considering we're one agent down. Unless you came to check up on me? Is that it Gibbs? Didn't think I would be up for the job? Well you were wrong. I am doing this job just as well as any other leader in NCIS and I will NEVER abandon my team just because some beaurocrat doesn't listen to me!" Tony's fists were clenched in anger and Jethro had to resist the urge to step back.

"That's not it Tony." He said quietly. DiNozzo stood up and glared at Gibbs.

"What is it then Gibbs." By now Jethro had also picked up on the fact that DiNozzo was steadfastly refusing to call him 'Boss'.

"I came to," Jethro found that he wasn't able to say 'give you those rules I was meant to teach you.' "I came to see the Director." Tony nodded once, sharply.

"McGee. Escort Mr. Gibbs up to the Directors office." Jethro flinched when DiNozzo called him 'Mr. Gibbs'. He couldn't remember ever being that angry with Frank when he had left.

"Yes Boss." McGee's short reply brought Jethro sharply back to the present.

"It's okay, I know the way." DiNozzo sat down and didn't even bother looking up. He obviously trusted McGee to handle the situation.

"I'm sorry sir but all civilians must be escorted by an NCIS agent when travelling through this building." Jethro opened his mouth to respond to that but he knew that McGee was right and that right now he was just a civilian.

Tony watched as McGee led Gibbs up the stairs to the Director's office. He hated that he'd got angry with his former boss but what did he expect? Four months ago Tony would have welcomed his boss back in an instant. Three and a half months ago he'd begun to realise that Gibbs wasn't just going to walk out of the elevator and tell him it had all just been a joke; a test to see how he would cope with being in charge. Three months ago he had begun to question what he had done wrong. What had he FUBARed that had driven his boss to abandon him?

Two months ago he had begun to accept the situation. Two months ago Ziva and Abby had accepted Tony's authority completely. One and a half months ago Abby had called him 'boss-man'. Now? Now Tony was getting used to being in charge; he was getting used to being the one who had to deal with the director and he was finding his stride with the team. Of all the times Gibbs could have chosen to return, why did he chose to come back now?

Tony saw Gibbs drop a notepad in the trash can on his way up the stairs. Waiting until McGee and Gibbs were out of sight, he recovered the notepad from the trash can and headed for the elevator. In the elevator, on the way down to Abby's lab, Tony opened the notepad and began to read. He was surprised to find that it was addressed to him.

Tony,

I'm sorry and don't go telling me apologising is a sign of weakness because I know that. I have been weak by leaving NCIS. I was supposed to teach these rules to you and now I don't even know if I'll give this notepad to you. I let a bureaucrat get to me and I shouldn't have. I should never have abandoned you, Abby, Ziva, McGee and Ducky. For that I really am sorry. Now that I've broke rule 24 and apologised I may as well break rule 50 and write the rules down for you.

Gibbs.

Tony sagged against the wall of the elevator. Whatever he had been expecting to find in the notepad, it hadn't been this. He took a deep breath and forced his walls back up. Gibbs turned his back on the team and no matter if he said 'Semper Fi' when he left or if he apologises now, there was no way Tony was going to allow Gibbs back that easily. Technically it wasn't Tony's decision but Gibbs hurt his team and none of them listened to the director all that much anyway so it didn't matter if Gibbs became the 'official' leader of the team he had a lot of work to do if he was going to regain their trust and respect again.

Tony flicked through the rules. Most of them he knew or had figured out in the last 3 ½ years. When he got to Rule number 40 he stopped. Just above the rule there was a line of writing.

Tony, these rules are just for the team leader. Your team doesn't need to know them, only you do.

40. Drink coffee like and alcoholic drinks alcohol - it'll give you an air of danger.

-Ye- Tony thought. -I already figured that one out! It also helps me stay alert too.-

41. Never show weakness in front of your team - it would scare them.

-And how the hell do think we felt when you nearly died and then just left us? All happy and warm inside?-

42. Respect your team and earn their respect.

-Guess that's another rule you broke then Gibbs.-

43. Never talk about your personal life or past with your subordinates.

-Why? Because it would ruin the dramatic effect of your exit?!

44. If one of your team is in trouble - it is your duty to protect them.

-We were all in trouble Gibbs. We had just learnt that our superhero wasn't immortal. Is that what you mean by protection? Abandon them?-

45. Never accept anything less than the best from your team.

Tony closed the notepad sharply. Now wasn't the time to be reading this. He was beginning to thing that there would never have been a good time to pick up this notepad; he should have just left it in the trash. He needed a clear head for this case - it was too important to mess this one up. Taking another deep breath, he stepped out of the elevator and into Abby's lab.

Abby and Ziva were sat hunched over Abby's desk. They were sifting through the evidence box when suddenly Abby jumped up.

"Ah ha!" she yelled triumphantly. Grabbing a bag off the table she went to the computer and began to type furiously. Tony opened his mouth to speak but Ziva saw him and clicked her fingers, motioning for him to remain silent. He closed his mouth, crossed his arms and waited silently.

Eventually Abby stopped and punched the air. Bouncing, she turned and faced Tony, her eyes sparkling and her grin stretching from ear to ear. "We found her Tony!" Tony smiled.

"Great Abs. Where is she?" Abby ran back to her computer and typed in a couple of commands. A map popped onto the big screen with a red dot blipping in the bottom right hand corner.

"That Tony is a small warehouse, less than 100 metres from the back entrance to the FBI building." Tony pulled his phone out and punched number 7 and the dial button.

"Agent Cassidy? We've found her. She's in a small warehouse just behind the FBI building." He listened for a moment to the woman on the other end.

"Great, call Fornell, get him to back you up." Taking the phone away from his ear for a moment, Tony winced.

"I know Paula but this was one of his people and it's happening in his back yard… Agent Cassidy! I am ordering you to call Fornell and request that he backs you up… no buts. Go!" Tony hung up the phone and placed it in his pocket before turning back to a very happy Abby. "Abby! Calm down!"

"I can't! I think I've drank all the Caf-Pow in the city! We found her Tony! We found her!" Abby screwed her face up at Tony. "Why aren't you happy?!" She managed to make the question sound accusing and Tony couldn't help but let a small smile creep onto his face.

"Sit down Abby" he told her, grabbing the tops of her arms as he did so and manoeuvring her into a chair. She folded her arms and pretended to pout. Ziva, who had been watching this exchange with amusement sat down.

"Drop it Tony." She told him.

"I think you mean Spill it." Ziva clicked her fingers and waved her hand, while nodding.

"Yes. Yes. Spill it!" Tony crossed his arms defensively across his body.

"Gibbs is back" he muttered, refusing to look either of the women in the eye. Ziva didn't appear to react. Abby leapt out of the seat that Tony had put her in and started pacing up and down her lab.

"He's back? He's really back?" Tony just nodded. He didn't know what else to do. Abby had been really close to Gibbs. She had trusted him as if he had been her father and when he had left she had become withdrawn and sullen. For the first two months not a note of music had been heard in her lab and now that she was finally back to herself Gibbs had to return. Tony wasn't looking forward to picking up the pieces when Gibbs decided to leave again.

"Why is he back?" Ziva's voice cut through the tension filled air. Tony shrugged.

"I don't know Ziva. He's with the director at the moment. He dropped this in the trash." Tony pulled the notepad out of his pocket. No-one questioned why he had gone in the trash to get it - this was about Gibbs. He handed the notepad to Ziva, who began to read it. Her eyes widened as she read the apology.

"Gibbs apologised." She stated in shock. Tony nodded and Abby, who had stopped pacing momentarily, began to pace once more, talking quickly.

"He apologised. Gibbs apologised. This is big. This is really big. Gibbs apologised. We can accept his apology can't we and then he'll come back and everything will be like it was, only nothing will be the same because he left and how do we know that he wont leave again?!" Abby stopped abruptly and spun to face Tony. "He left us Tony. Why is he back?" Tony shrugged and shook his head in defeat so Abby turned to Ziva. "What else does it say? Does he say why he's back? Does it say if he'll stay?" Ziva shook her head slowly.

"No, Abby all it does is list the rules." Ziva dragged her eyes away from Abby's wounded puppy expression and faced Tony. "Have you read these?"

"All but the last 5." He replied. Ziva turned to the last page with writing on it and began to read out loud.

46. If one of your team asks for help give it to them immediately.

47. Slapping the back of the head is a useful teaching aid.

48. Your team is your family - never take it for granted.

49. Loyalty is a powerful motivator - earn it from your team.

50. These rules should never be written - it is the job of every team leader to teach them to their team.

Ziva stopped reading and the three looked at each other in horror. There was something so final about Gibbs breaking his very last rule.


	4. Chapter 4

As McGee led him up the stairs, Jethro reached into his pocket and wrapped his hand around the notepad. His gut twisted as he thought about what it contained and he silently slid it out of his pocket. Without giving it a second glance, he dropped it into the trash can - there was no way he could give it to Tony now. Tony's reaction to his return had proved to Jethro that his agents had not understood why he had had to leave. Perhaps there would be time later to explain his motives to them but right now he had a lot of work ahead of him.

The silence between McGee and Jethro was strained and awkward. Jethro knew that McGee had always been nervous around him but this felt different to the older man and he wasn't sure what it meant. They soon arrived at the director's office and McGee spoke to Cynthia.

"DiNozzo told me to escort Mr. Gibbs to the director's office." Cynthia nodded.

"Mr. Gibbs," she repeated, allowing the implications of one of Gibbs' former team calling him 'Mr.' to sink in before she picked up the phone. She looked at the silver haired man. He looked older than she remembered. His face seemed more weather beaten and the lines around his eyes were deeper. There was a dullness to his eyes that made him look like he'd been to hell and back. It was a similar look to the one his team had been wearing after his departure until just under a month ago.

"Director Shepard there's a Mr. Gibbs here to see you." Gibbs waited silently for Cynthia to tell him to go in and it was that that she noticed the most. The old Gibbs would have stormed into the director's office without seeking permission first. This new Gibbs was kind of disconcerting.

"Yes, Ma'am… No that's what agent McGee said. Yes Ma'am, I'll send him in right away." Gibbs still waited. He didn't just walk straight in now that he knew the director had given permission for him to enter. He waited. "You can go in now Mr. Gibbs." Cynthia told him. He nodded and made his way into the director's office. His head and shoulders held strangely straight, he looked like a man walking to the gallows.

Jethro stood in the director's office waiting for her to speak first.

"Jethro," she greeted him. A cocky smile appeared on his face.

"Jen," he retorted. She crossed her arms and frowned.

"No Jethro. This is not the time for your games. Why are you here?" The cocky grin fell off Jethro's face, his face becoming an unreadable mask. Why indeed, he asked himself. He didn't care that his internal voice was starting to sound like Ducky. Why should he had always valued Ducky's opinion. Now I'm starting to go off topic like Ducky, he reprimanded himself.

"Why am I here?" The director raised an eyebrow at Jethro's mindless repetition of her question.

"Sit down Jethro." He did as he was told and she sat down next to him. "What did you expect to find when you came back here?"

Not DiNozzo's anger or McGee's indifference, he thought. "I dunno Jen. I didn't expect this though." She nodded sympathetically.

"You thought that they'd welcome you back with open arms?" He shrugged.

"No but I didn't think…"

"You didn't think that Tony would be so angry at you that he would call you Mr. Gibbs?" He shook his head.

"I thought they would understand."

"Tell me Jethro. Did you understand?" He turned to face her, confusion clouding his face.

"Understand why I had to leave?"

"No. Did you understand when Frank left you?"

"He didn't leave me. He left NCIS." The director shook her head at him, like she thought he was being childish.

"Is that how you felt at the time?" Jethro hung his head and the director continued. "They looked up to you Gibbs. They trusted you with their lives and you left them when they needed you. They had just learnt that their infallible leader, who never got scared or ill or hurt, was a mortal just like the rest of the world and that scared them." Jethro looked up but he refused to look the director in the eye.

"But why…"

"Why did they greet you with such hostility?" Jethro felt the hair on the back of his neck bristle; he was starting to get angry with the director for not allowing him to complete his sentence. "They're defending themselves Jethro. They don't trust you not to leave them again so they won't allow themselves to risk you hurting them again." Jethro stood up.

"I'm going to go talk to Abby and Ziva. Then I need to apologise to my team." Jen stood and walked over to the door. Holding the handle for a moment to stop Gibbs from leaving.

"Be careful Jethro. Ziva and Abby were the worst affected by you leaving. Ziva threw herself into her work and stopped trying to socialise with her team, Abby stopped playing her music and wore a white band on her arm. They both started getting back to some kind of normal just over a month ago. Don't you ruin that." Jethro nodded at her warning and she opened the door for him to leave.

Jethro strode out of the director's office, not stopping to wait for McGee to catch up. His next stop? Autopsy.

"Gibbs, where are you going?" McGee called after him.

"Autopsy" he replied without looking back.

"Why?"

"To talk to Ducky before I go to see Abs." Jethro didn't slow down and McGee was almost jogging to catch up.

"Ducky's not there!" McGee shouted at Jethro, exasperatedly. He had almost caught up with Jethro but his last statement resulted in Jethro stopping dead in his tracks. The younger agent couldn't stop before he slammed into Jethro. "Oh God! I'm sorry Gibbs! I…"

"McGee!" McGee stopped his stammering at Jethro's bark. "Shut up and tell me where the hell Ducky is if he isn't in autopsy." Jethro's growled demand caused McGee to step back, instantly focussed on the question.

"He's gone." McGee stated the obvious, momentarily forgetting that Jethro didn't know what had been happening at NCIS over the past 6 months.

"Where McGee?" Jethro's patience was beginning to wear thin and he could feel the beginnings of anger starting to boil under his skin.

"I… I don't know." Jethro's eyes narrowed but McGee didn't offer up any more information. Truth was, he really didn't know where Ducky was; nobody knew where Ducky was.

"When did he go? Where did he go? McGee looked at Jethro, his eyes widening with fear at the older man's tone, but he just took a deep breath and forced himself not to step back under Jethro's glare.

"He retired, about a month after you left. He said something about it being time for him and his mother to return home." Jethro began, once again, to walk but this time he didn't travel far, just to the nearest seat. He sat down in the chair and McGee watched as all of the older man's energy visibly left his body.

Jethro leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He couldn't stop the feeling that he ruined the second greatest thing in his life from wrapping around him and crushing him tightly, taking his breath away. The tired looking man in front of him was the scariest thing that McGee had ever seen. He didn't know how to take this new side to Gibbs, this vulnerability, so he made his way quickly to the elevator, leaving Jethro to his thoughts.

The tense atmosphere in the lab was broken as McGee came running in. His face was pale as a ghost and worry flickered briefly over Tony's face. Remembering where he was, Tony schooled his features into his 'boss face' - the one which said 'McGee you better have a damn good excuse for following my orders'.

Upon seeing Tony's expression McGee quickly blurted, "Gibbs doesn't look too good Tony."

"What do you mean he doesn't look to good?" McGee looked at the three faces turned to him and felt uncomfortable under the gaze of those six eyes. He knew that one of them would hit him for what he was about to say next.

"He looks…" McGee closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "He looks old."

Abby was the first to react. She jumped up and moved to where McGee was standing and she began to pummel him with her fists. He didn't move to defend himself; he stood there and allowed her to hit him. When she was done hitting him, he put his arms around her and she leaned against him, telling him softly, "Gibbs doesn't get old. Gibbs is like a superhero with silver hair and a magic gut. He was just recharging because Gibbs doesn't get old. He's forever."

Eventually Abby moved from McGee's arms and grabbed Bert. She squeezed him hard and he made an extra loud noise in return. "Ziva, go make sure Abby is ok and then I want the two of you to bring the info from this case and put it on my desk, I'll write up the report and send it to the FBI to handle. After that Abby and you can come and see Gibbs." Ziva looked about to reply to Tony's orders but his expression made her change her mind and she nodded, before turning and leaving to follow Abby.

"McGee." Tony said sharply. "With me, now!" Tony strode towards the elevator and McGee followed, silently.

As the doors slid shut Tony turned to face his younger agent. "What the hell happened, McGee? All you had to do was escort him to the director's office." McGee ducked his head.

"He came out of the director's office walking really quickly and I only just managed to keep up with him. You know what he's like when he's determined to do something." McGee looked to Tony, hopeful that his boss would understand.

"Ok but what was the big problem with that? You could've just taken him where he wanted to go." McGee shook his head and Tony frowned.

"He wanted to go see Ducky." Tony's eyes widened in worry.

"What did you tell him McGee?"

"The truth. I told him that Ducky retired and that he took his mother home." McGee was confused by Tony's reaction, as Tony suddenly looked very tired. The older agent dragged a hand down his face until it was covering the lower part of his face and cursed quietly, under his breath. "What should I have told him?" McGee asked.

"It's not your fault McGee, don't worry about it." McGee frowned and Tony sighed. "Ducky didn't retire, he isn't in Scotland and he didn't tell Gibbs because he knew that Gibbs might go to Scotland to see him and that would blow his cover."

"His cover?" McGee repeated slowly. Tony nodded slowly. "Ducky's undercover?" Tony nodded once more.

"You are to tell no-one this. If anyone finds out, Ducky could be put in grave danger. I'm trusting you with this McGee. Don't let me down." McGee's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"I won't Tony. I promise." Tony nodded. He knew the younger agent could be trusted. The elevator came to a stop and the door opened, allowing the two men to step out as they headed towards their former boss.

As they approached Gibbs, Tony could see that McGee was uncomfortable being around Gibbs, when Gibbs was so obviously not at his best. "McGee," he murmured softly, bringing the younger agent to a stop. "Go finish up your report. I'll escort Gibbs from here."

McGee nodded gratefully. "On it boss," he said before hurrying off. Tony watched him leave before continuing.

He walked over until he was standing in front of Gibbs. "Gibbs, come with me. We need to talk." Gibbs looked blankly at Tony, then stood to follow him. Tony led Gibbs the only interview room without a one-way window in it.

"Sit down Gibbs," Tony ordered, before sitting on one of the chairs. Gibbs did as he was told, taking the only other chair in the small room.

"Why didn't Ducky tell me he was retiring and going back to Scotland?" Gibbs demanded to know, a glimmer of his leader personality breaking through.

"If he had told you, would you have gone to the airport to see him off? Would you have tried to visit him in Scotland?" Tony asked quietly.

"Hell yeah!"

"That's what I thought and that's why you weren't told." Gibbs' eyebrows drew together in a frown of confusion and hurt.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, DiNozzo?" He growled, menacingly.

"It's not supposed to mean anything Gibbs. If you had gone to the airport and found that the man getting on the plane wasn't Ducky or if you had gone to Scotland and seen that the man claiming to be Donald Mallard, and living with Ducky's mother, wasn't Ducky… what would you have done?"

"Why wouldn't Ducky have been there?" Gibbs questioned but Tony just shook his head in response.

"No. You answer my question first." Gibbs thought about it for a minute and replied decisively.

"I'd have forced the bastard to tell me what the hell he'd done with Ducky." Tony smiled a satisfied smile.

"And that is why we didn't tell you." Gibbs' frown returned and he looked at Tony in bafflement.

"But why didn't Ducky tell me? And why wouldn't he have been there?" Tony sighed. He was going to have to tell Gibbs the truth. He could trust Gibbs… couldn't he? He used to be so sure.

"He couldn't. If he had told you, you would have reacted as you just said you would and his cover would have been blow, risking not only his life, but that of his mother and cousin too." Gibbs didn't need a minute to process that, his jaw dropped pretty much straight away.

"Ducky's undercover?! But everyone knows him!" Gibbs exclaimed stupefied.

Tony couldn't help but laugh at Gibbs' remark. Gibbs' eyes snapped into his patented Gibbs-Death-Glare at Tony's laugh. Tony just smiled even more.

"That's exactly what my first reaction was," he explained.

"So why'd you let him go then?" Gibbs' tone was accusing and Tony felt his defences begin to rise again.

"Because Ducky was the only man for the job."

"What's his job?" Tony paused for a moment, once again unsure of how much he should tell Gibbs. Could he tell Gibbs the details even though Gibbs wasn't a Federal Agent any more? "Come on Tony. This is me… You can trust me." Gibbs asked of Tony, when faced with Tony's silence.

"But who are you Gibbs?"

"I'm still who I was before Tony. I haven't changed." Tony shook his head in disagreement.

"I used to think I knew who you were. Then you left, proving me wrong." Gibbs hung his head for a moment, then lifted it to look at Tony with pleading eyes.

"Please Tony, tell me. Ducky is my friend. I would never do anything to put him in danger." Tony remained silent for a moment longer and Gibbs began to worry that the younger man wasn't going to tell him what kind of job Ducky was doing. Luckily for Gibbs, his sad puppy-dog eyes won out.

"If I tell you then a total of 6 people will know where Ducky is and what he is doing - you, me, Ducky, Ducky's cousin, the CIA guy that Ducky reports in to and McGee. I don't want there to be anyone else." Gibbs ignored Tony's last sentence and jumped straight to the point.

"McGee lied to me?!" Tony almost laughed at Gibbs' indignation, but he bit his tongue - for McGee's sake.

"No. McGee told you the truth as he knew it at the time." Gibbs' eyebrows formed his 'I haven't got a clue what you're talking about but I'm never going to admit it' expression. "I didn't tell McGee where Ducky is until after he spoke to you." Gibbs nodded then froze, halfway through a nod.

"Ducky's cousin?!" Tony grinned at how long it had taken Ducky to pick up on that tasty morsel of information.

"Yeah. His cousin, Dafydd pronounced Dah-Vith Mallard, is an MI-5 Operative."

"MI-5 and a cousin named Dafydd? What the hell is Ducky involved in?!"

"I'm told Dafydd is just the welsh version of David and there's nothing hinky about that… unlike your redneck name." Tony teased Gibbs; Gibbs wasn't amused. "Ok. Ducky has gone undercover in a body parts smuggling ring. They think he has gone rogue and that NCIS is covering it up by saying he has retired to Scotland. His cousin, who they believe is an British ex-soldier, is looking after Ducky's mother. They're in a small town in east Scotland… They wanted to stay as far from where Ducky grew up as possible but still be in Scotland, to avoid raising suspicions. I hear Mrs. Mallard is having a great time." Tony grinned at the ending and Gibbs shook his head at the younger agent.

"Who came up with that twisted idea for a cover story?!" Tony shrugged.

"The CIA." He muttered and Gibbs rolled his eyes.

A sharp double tap on the door made both men's heads swivel quickly to face the same direction.

"What?!" Tony called out harshly. The door creaked open slowly and McGee's head slid around it from the other side.

"Uh, boss?" Tony gave McGee the 'DiNozzo-Warning-Glare' and the younger agent quickly said what he had come to say. "The CIA director just called. I think we have a new case." McGee's eye's flicked nervously over to Gibbs and Tony got the message.

"Come in and shut the door McGee." McGee did as he was told instantly. "Gibbs knows the truth about Ducky." Satisfied, McGee began to give his report.

"I was putting my report on you desk and your phone rang. The caller ID said it was the CIA director so I answered it… I thought it might be important." McGee stopped and looked anxiously at Tony. He was sure that his boss would be mad at him for touching his phone.

"Report McGee!" Tony said sharply, hoping to snap his subordinate back on task.

"Yes boss. I told him who was speaking and he asked if I knew where Ducky was."

"What did you tell him?" Tony interrupted.

"I told him I knew where Ducky wasn't."

"Good. Okay, go on."

"He said, 'There is now more than one place where Ducky isn't' and that we should meet him 'where two cells lay side by side the last time Ducky went AWOL." Tony frowned and looked from McGee to Gibbs to see if wither understood that. McGee, it was clear, didn't have a clue. Gibbs' forehead crinkled in a slight frown, then something flickered across his eyes and they widened in realisation.

"I know where he wants to meet." He said, mostly to himself, as he stared at the wall behind Tony, his eyes seeing the a memory from the past, a memory of a ghost.

Tony folded his arms and waited for Gibbs to enlighten them. When it was clear that Gibbs wasn't going to say anything else, Tony banged twice on the table.

"Hey Gibbs! You gonna tell us where?" Gibbs looked at Tony in surprise, then shook his head as if to clear it. "You're not going to tell us?"

"You remember when we were hunting down Ari and I told no-one to leave the building…" Tony and McGee nodded. McGee's mouth bobbed open a couple of times before he began to talk.

"Yeah," he said, "and Ducky left the building. We tracked down his cell and Gerald's to that road and Abby kept hoping that there would be a pub there and that they were just sitting in it catching up on old times." Tony looked at Gibbs and he could tell that there was something else about that night that had made it stick so vividly in the older man's mind.

"How did you figure it out so quickly Gibbs? I mean there was a lot going on back then. Why remember 2 cell phones?"

"Kate," Gibbs whispered.

"Huh."Tony couldn't help the unintelligent noise… he didn't have a clue what Gibbs was talking about.

"Kate was there and she said… well she said some things that I think about every night."

"It wasn't Kate, Gibbs."

"It looked like Kate, it sounded like Kate, it was Kate." Tony shrugged, he wasn't going to argue. McGee stayed silent; he didn't want anyone to ever know about Superhero Kate.

"McGee, go gas the truck." Tony threw the keys to McGee and he was, once again, left alone in the room with Gibbs.

"I want in." Gibbs demanded. Tony stood, shaking his head.

"Not my call Gibbs."

"So who?" he asked. "The director?" he added, only half joking.

"No. You need to apologise to each and every one of the team, and make sure they know you mean it. Then you will ask each of them for their permission. If just one of them says no, then you're not in." Gibbs nodded.

"Okay. I can do that."

"Oh and Gibbs… if I find out you've intimidated McGee into saying yes, then you're out."

"What about Abby and Ziva?" Tony just laughed.

"You couldn't intimidate Abby to save your life and no-one can intimidate Ziva." Gibbs agreed and the pair left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Gibbs had decided to ask McGee first. He was hoping that the younger agent would be willing to accept him back. He had been disappointed to discover that this was not the case. McGee had told him quite clearly that he would only accept Gibbs back if Abby was okay with it. He decided to go to Ziva next, saving Abby for last.

Tony and McGee had left to go and meet the CIA man. Abby, he knew, was in her lab. He eventually found Ziva sitting at her desk.

Gibbs approached Ziva with caution. He knew that she would already know that he was in the building - news always had travelled fast at NCIS. So she would have got over the initial shock of him being back in the country. The problem for Gibbs was… he didn't know if that reaction had been good or bad.

"Hello Ziva," he spoke softly, testing the waters. She stopped typing and lifted her head slightly, to look at him. He eyes were unreadable, but that was nothing new.

"Gibbs," her short reply held no warmth, nor did it hold any animosity.

"You didn't collect." He was reaching desperately for something, anything to say to her and all he could come up with was something that could be taken to mean he was accusing her for his long absence. He mentally slapped himself but refused to back-pedal.

"I didn't need to." Her voice was both accusing and dismissive and Gibbs had no trouble translating her sentence to mean 'I didn't need you'.

"I'm sorry Ziva." Gibbs' voice almost cracked as he apologised. It was becoming very clear to him that in leaving NCIS he had really hurt those most dear to him.

"I hear you're having to say that a lot today Gibbs." He just nodded in response; she sighed in frustration. "Why are you here Gibbs?"

"I needed to see you all,"

"You could have done that through a window."

I had to apologise to you and tell you that I never meant to hurt anyone when I left." Ziva leaned back in her chair, to get a better look at the man standing before her. McGee was right, he did look older. His face looked worn and haggard, his posture was tired looking.

"And now?" she asked. "Now that you've done what you came to do, will you leave again?" Gibbs did a half shrug.

"That depends on you." Ziva raised an eyebrow questioningly. "I've just found out that your next case may involve a dear friend of mine and I want to help."

"So ask Tony. He's the boss now."

"I did. He told me I was to ask each member of the team if I could work with you on this case."

"What case? We just closed our last case."

"Tony'll have to explain that. I'm not allowed. Can I help though? Please?" The MOSSAD officer looked at the pleading eyes of the former NCIS agent and she wanted to tell him he could come back but she forced her head to take control of her heart, as it had done so many times before.

"You can come back on one condition Gibbs." He looked at her expectantly, hopefully even. "That Abby says it is okay."

"What, is Abby the new boss now?" He blurted it out, unable to stop himself. Ziva allowed her face to show her confusion. "That's exactly what McGee told me," he explained.

"Well Abby was the one who hurt the most when were gone. Did you know that Tony went and learnt to sign because Abby refused to talk out loud for a whole month?" Gibbs hung his head, he was beginning to dread his impending reunion with Abby.

"No, I didn't know that." He whispered the confirmation to Ziva, even though he knew that she knew that he hadn't known. Ziva adjusted her NCIS cap on her head before folding her arms again.

"She claimed that you wanted her to be quiet because you put your finger over her lip and that only you could tell her it was okay to talk again." Gibbs could feel the tears begin to knock at the corners of his eyes as he remembered how he had silenced Abby before walking away. He had tried to kiss all the hurt away with that simple peck to her head but he should have known that it could never be enough. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at Ziva with shiny eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Ziva." He ducked his head but forced himself to lift it and look her in the eye before continuing. "I wasn't thinking straight back then. I… I better go and see Abby." The young Israeli woman nodded gently and watched as the older man walked away, a defeated air about him - one which she could never have imagined around him before this moment.

As the elevator drew to a stop Gibbs took a deep breath. His heart was pounding in his chest and his palms were sweating. Wiping his hands on his trouser legs, he closed his eyes and steeled himself. As the doors pinged open Gibbs stepped out, his posture unnaturally straight, his senses all completely open. Adrenalin was shooting around his body. He felt the same way he had when he had been on a mission as a marine during Desert Storm. His body and mind were reacting as if he had just stepped into enemy territory, not his friend's lab.

His eyes scanned over the lab and he subconsciously noticed the lack of colourful, and somewhat gruesome, pictures hanging on the wall.

As his eyes landed on the back of a pig-tailed head, bent over one of the many machines in the room , his ears picked up on the style of music playing in the background. It was jazz and, if his memory served him right (and it normally did), it was the same tune that Abby had played as they had walked out of the graveyard after Kate's funeral.

He approached the lab tech. quietly. It wasn't something he did on purpose; he didn't know any other way to move. Gibbs didn't want to startle her but he knew that she was so engrossed in what she was doing that as soon as she realised she wasn't alone she would jump.

"Abby," he called softly as he stood behind her. He saw her sharp intake of breath and the was her muscles tensed up at the sound of his voice and he knew she had been surprised. As she spun to face him he held his breath.

"Gibbs." He recognised the tone of voice she used as the same tone of voice that she had used towards Ziva during Ziva's first month or so at NCIS. Gibbs knew that the creek he was up was deep and that he would need Abby to throw him a paddle if he was going to be able to navigate it.

"I'm sorry Abby," he whispered, his eyes beginning to shine at seeing the hurt in Abby's eyes. He felt a heavy weight pressing against his heart and squeezing all the air from his lungs.

"You bastard!" she yelled at him. She jumped from her seat and when she was about a foot away from him, she slapped him, hard. "You were supposed to come back!"

"I never said I was coming back Abby." He said gently.

"Yes you did. 'Semper Fi.' you said. That means always faithful." Gibbs caught Abby's hands (whose index fingers had been jabbing him in the chest) in his hands and looked her in the eye.

"I know what it means Abby," he told her, keeping his eyes and tone soft. "and I have always een faithful to you and to this team." Abby moved from his grasp.

"No Gibbs." She shouted as she stepped backward. Beginning to pace up and wave her arms around as she spoke, Abby continued. "Faithful is sticking together no matter what happens. Faithful is…" she stopped her pacing and looked him square in the eye. "Faithful is never having to say you're sorry because you always stick around to help clear up the mess." Gibbs couldn't keep her gaze and had to look away for a moment.

"I really screwed up didn't I?" Abby nodded. Gibbs ducked his head and closed his eyes tightly. His jaw muscles and facial muscles clamped his face tightly shut. He felt as if he were on a moon, watching his world spin away from him and he didn't know if it would ever come back.

Abby sat back down and looked at Gibbs thoughtfully. She was surprised to note that he had changed. He didn't look like her great protector any more; he looked more like he was the one who needed someone to protect him. Abby made her mind there and then - she would protect him now.

"You know Gibbs, everyone screws up sometimes." His muscles relaxed enough for him to lift his head and look at her… even if he didn't quite understand what she was saying.

"Do they get forgiven or given a second chance?" he asked, hoping with every fibre of his being that she meant what he was thinking she meant.

"No, a lot of them don't." Gibbs was unable to hide the disappointment as the hope evaporated. "but they should." Abby finished, leaping up and throwing her arms around Gibbs. As she crushed him in a tight bear hug, she felt him relax, then put his arms around her and rest his forehead on the top of her head.

"So am I forgiven Abby?" he asked around the lump in his throat.

"Yeah Gibbs, you're forgiven." He kissed the top of her head, much like he had done a hundred times before.

"Thank you Abs." he whispered, before pulling away.

"So you gonna stick around?" Abby demanded to know as she moved in the direction of the of the music player.

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to stay and help with your next case." Abby switched the CD and pressed play. The sound of country music began to fill the lab.

"You asked Tony yet?" Gibbs nodded. "What did he say."

"He said I should ask you, McGee and Ziva for permission first."

"You asked McGee and Ziva yet?"

"Yeah. They said only if it was okay with you." Abby put on a mock angry face and crossed her arms.

"You came to me last?!" Gibbs stepped forward and put his hands on her upper arms, as he held her eyes with his.

"Only because I wanted to spend more time with you." Gibbs' answer pleased Abby, if the big grin on her face was anything to go by.

"Okay. Lets go find the others then and tell them the good news… and find out what the next case is." She had moved as she spoke so that Gibbs and her were now side by side and she was holding on to his arm. She dragged him towards the elevator and he did nothing to stop her, he just followed willingly. A smile formed on his face as happiness began to find a way to break back in to his soul.


	6. Chapter 6

Dr. Donald Mallard sat in the cold car, wondering where everything went wrong. His arms were aching from being tied behind his back and he hated the feeling of disorientation that came with being blindfolded while travelling in a moving car. He had tried to count the bumps and turns but after over an hour in the car even he had to admit he was completely lost.

He felt the car suddenly draw to a stop and it was at that moment that he realised that his captors had been considerate enough to put his seatbelt on for him. They must have watched that advert he had seen while visiting his family in Scotland. Yes, the one where the mother was killed by her son who was in the back seat of her car when she braked heavily… all because the boy wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Ducky tutted and shook his head at the memory of the advert before he remembered where he was, or rather, whose company he was in. The feel of the side of a handgun smacking his face, and the taste of blood filling his mouth, brought him back to his surroundings. He still couldn't see and the car hadn't started moving again. Perhaps they had reached their destination? Where ever that was.

The ageing ME allowed his head to just loll to the side, giving the impression that the last blow had knocked him out. Truth be told - it almost had. He was worried that he was going to get a concussion from it but right now that was the least of his worries. He was more worried about whether his captors were going to kill him, or try and force him to tell them stuff he really didn't know. He knew a lifetime's worth of stories but he got the feeling that these people would appreciate them even less than Gibbs, Anthony, Caitlin, Ziva, Timothy or Gerald had. In fact, it occurred to him, that only young Mr. Palmer had truly appreciated the wealth of knowledge that he had to pass on.

Ducky had never found much time or reason to pray before. Everyday he had dealt with death and man's inhumanity and he found it difficult to justify spending time talking to something, that if the stories were true, he would have plenty of time with after he died. Life was for spending with the living. Only right now, he was no where near anyone that he would want to waste his breath talking to. Right now he did the only thing he could, he prayed. He reached out with every part of his consciousness and he called out silently for help. Not just any help. He wanted, no he needed his friends to find him.

As he thought of his friends, he thought of how much he missed being able to talk with Gibbs and, as good an agent as young Anthony was, he wasn't Gibbs. Ducky didn't go around to Anthony's house after a particularly difficult case to talk about anything that didn't involve work, dogs or Marilyn Monroe. With those thoughts in his mind, Ducky closed his eyes and allowed the darkness and oblivion that was unconsciousness to envelope him.


	7. Chapter 7

As Gibbs and Abby exited the elevator, Gibbs noticed that Tony and McGee were back already. That was either a very good or a very bad thing. Judging by McGee's ghost white face, Tony's haunted eyes and the complete lack of any amusement on Ziva's face, Gibbs was going to bet that it was the latter. Abby picked up on the negative atmosphere in the room instantly.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Tony looked at her, regret covering his face.

"Ducky's missing. The CIA believes that he may be dead." Gibbs breath caught in his throat. Abby's eye's filled with tears, which she would never allow to fall.

"No! There's got to be a mistake! Ducky's just chilling out in a small Scottish town. Why would the CIA be tracking him?" Abby gave Tony a death glare, unrivalled by anything he or Gibbs could dish out. Turning the glare on McGee and pointing her finger accusingly, she watched as the young agent turned an even paler shade of white - something she hadn't thought possible. "You," she growled at him. "Did you know about this?"

"Yes," he told her, before his brain had had a chance to engage. Under her increasingly more lethal gaze, he quickly began to clumsily back-pedal. "I… uh… I mean… I only just found out today just before Tony told Gibbs!" he quickly threw the blame on the older men, breathing a sigh of relief when Abby turned her sight on the man standing next to her. Gibbs didn't blink.

"Nuh uh Abs! It wasn't my place to tell you. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to know." Abby turned back to face Tony.

"Sorry Abby but I needed as many people as possible to believe that Ducky had retired to Scotland. It was safer for Ducky that way. Hell, even the Director didn't know." Tony had been winning Abby over, until that last sentence.

"Oh! Well if Madame Director doesn't know! What, am I the last one in this food chain? I want to know these things Tony!" Tony folded his arms and instantly transformed into his 'boss' persona.

"Abigail Scuito! I didn't tell anyone what Ducky was doing because in my opinion, as the boss of this team, that was the best course of action to take. I only told McGee and Gibbs because I had no choice and I am only telling you all now because Ducky is in trouble. He missed his scheduled time to report in and he missed the one after that too. The group that he was undercover in has gone underground and the CIA has lost track of them. They have filed Ducky under 'Agent lost in the field' and will leave it at that unless any new leads surface." Abby forgot she was supposed to be angry and just looked at Tony in horror.

"We're not gonna just leave him out there are we?! We can find him can't we?! We're better than the CIA! Tony!" Tony strode over to stand in front of Abby. Putting his hands on either side of her face, he forced her to look him in the eye.

"Abby. We will get Ducky back. We will not let the bad guys win. I promise you." Abby nodded, calming down.

For two days the NCIS team trawled through dead ends and false leads. For two days no-one went home and Coffee and Caf-Pow was their main form of sustenance. At the end of the second day they found the breakthrough they had been after. It turned out that the leader of the group that Ducky had gone undercover in was an avid MMORPG player and it just so happened that McGee had played against him on numerous occasions.

McGee and Abby linked their computers together. After McGee logged an, the rest of the team waited for him to find their perp's character.

"Got him!" McGee yelled suddenly. Abby jumped to her computer and began to typing as furiously as McGee.

"How long's this gonna take Abs?" Tony asked impatiently.

"Fifteen minutes," she stated, not looking away from the screen.

"I'm going for coffee." Tony got up and left, as did Gibbs. Ziva remained in the lab, she wanted to know the instant McGee and Abby found something.

Ten minutes ticked slowly by and still Tony and Gibbs hadn't returned. "Abby, how far from here is Gibbs' favourite coffee shop?" Ziva asked Abby because she knew Abby could hold a conversation without loosing concentration from what she was doing on the computer.

"Depends how fast you walk."

"If you walk at Tony and Gibbs' pace?"

"About two minutes." Ziva nodded, even though she knew Abby couldn't see her, she was beginning to get worried.

"And how long are the queues?" At that Abby had to laugh.

"Gibbs doesn't queue. He walks in the back door and they serve him straight away." Ziva pulled out her phone and hit the second button. Pacing nervously up and down the lab, she hoped for a reply but was beginning to fear there would be none.

"DiNozzo," she heard on the on the other end and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Tony! What's taking you so long? McG…" she was interrupted when the voice mail message continued.

"Ha! Gotcha! Well either my phone is switched off or I don't want to talk to you so leave a message after the beep and I might get back to you." Ziva didn't wait for the beep; she hung up, cursing in several languages.

"Abby have you found him yet?" Abby ignored Ziva for a moment, typing even faster.

"Yes! Got him! He's in an abandoned warehouse 8 miles from here." The map popped up on the big screen.

"Okay Abby, you take over from McGee. Make sure that he keeps playing until we have him." Abby nearly said something in response to Ziva's commands but she took one look at Ziva's face, which was all business, and changed her mind. "McGee with me, grab your spare gun too." McGee moved and Abby took over the game, but then he stopped.

"Uh… Ziva? I'm the next in command after Tony."

"Whatever! We have to move now! I think they may have got Gibbs and Tony too." Abby's fingers almost skipped a key.

"McGee, shift your butt now! Ziva's dealt with this stuff before, you haven't!" McGee gave up and grabbed his gun from the draw in Abby's desk before following Ziva out.

On their way out of the building, they bumped into a very dishevelled looking Tony.

"Tony! What happened?" Ziva asked, staring at what looked like blood on the side of Tony's head.

"They've got Gibbs."

"What?! How?"

"Gibbs doesn't have a gun any more and they had two guns each."

"You think it was the same people who have Ducky?" McGee asked, determined to beat Ziva to the punch.

"I don't know McGee," Tony bit back. "They didn't exactly flash their ID cards as they held their guns in our faces or when they smacked the pistol grip into my temple."

"I didn't mean… I just… We…" McGee stammered through trying to explain himself, until Ziva got annoyed and finished it for him.

"We know where the leader is Tony."

"Then let's move, now!" The field agent and the MOSSAD officer followed their boss out of the door and, when he turned right, they corrected him and dragged him left.

When they reached the warehouse, the team split up, circling around to cover all of the exits. There were no hostages inside, just the bad guys' leader and it looked as though he had been living in the warehouse for a while.

They hauled him back to NCIS and locked him in an interrogation room. McGee got first dibs at interrogating him.

"I'm going to make this very simple for you Mr. Smith." McGee told the suspect. "By the end of today you will have told us where our friends are. The only real question is which of us you will tell." Mr. Smith snarled his response at McGee.

"I'm not telling any of you anything." He informed the special agent, his voice low and threatening. McGee was surprised to notice that he didn't feel any fear or at all intimidated by the hard man who he was alone in the room with. In fact, he found himself smiling at the threat.

"You will tell us," McGee confidently told the man, "because when I get bored of you Ziva David will come in here and she could make anyone give up anything."

"Ziva David?! That's not an American name." McGee's smile widened.

"No, it's not. She's Israeli and a MOSSAD officer." McGee watched Mr. Smith's face visibly pale and wondered it, perhaps, he was enjoying this too much.

"Okay! Okay! I'll tell you!" Mr. Smith said quickly before adding, "on one condition."

"What?"

"You don't send the Israeli in." McGee appeared to think about that for a moment.

"Okay."

"Dr. Mallard is in an abandoned Sentry post one mile from Norfolk Naval station on the main westbound road. Your boss will be joining him there in about an hour's time. McGee left the room and, as he was about to close the door, he heard Mr. Smith mutter "They weren't supposed to have an Israeli working here. It's not fair!"

McGee walked around and into the observation room. "Any idea why he's so scared of Israelis?" He asked Ziva, really wanting to know the answer. Ziva smiled and walked towards the door.

"We better start driving to Norfolk if we want to get there near to the time that Gibbs will get there." McGee looked at Tony but Tony just shrugged.

"Ziva's right. Now move if you don't want Ziva to drive!" McGee looked at Tony in wide eyed horror before rushing out of the room after Ziva. Tony laughed softly to himself and followed what was left of his team. He knew that he was going to be the one driving to Norfolk not Ziva, but he did enjoy winding McGee up.


	8. Chapter 8

Tony drove at breakneck speed to Norfolk. On the way he was only pulled over once. He flashed his ID card and said he was on the way to a hostage rescue attempt, involving one of his own agents. The police officer offered to escort him the rest of the way but Tony just told him he didn't want to spook the kidnappers with sirens and flashing blue lights. The police officer had let them go, radioing ahead to let the other officers in the area know Tony's license plate number and that he was on urgent police business.

Twenty minutes after that another police office had begun to chase them. Tony told McGee to hold his badge up to the rear window. McGee did so and watched as the police officer looked from his badge, to the car license plate to something beside him. He continued to watch as the police officer switched off his siren and lights and slowed to the speed limit.

As they left the police car in the distance, McGee turned back to face the front again. "Wow," he muttered. "I can't believe that actually worked." Tony grinned at McGee using the rear view mirror; Ziva looked thoughtful.

"Maybe next time I get stopped I could use my badge, yes?" The question wasn't rhetorical but neither agent answered her. Instead they looked at each other's reflection in horror. They had just given the world's craziest driver another crazy idea.

Finally, they were almost there. Tony parked the car in a small wooded area, where it would be well hidden, and they made the rest of the journey on foot. As the crept up on the old sentry post, McGee couldn't help feeling glad that he hadn't chosen to break in a new pair of shoes today. He'd never been able to forget how his shoes had squeaked when they'd been dealing with that hostage situation last year. He didn't think he'd ever be able to live it down if he did it again. He shuddered at the thought of some of the nicknames that Tony and Ziva might have come up with.

Mentally Tony was kicking himself. He had managed to let two of the people he was responsible for get kidnapped, within less than a week of each other!

Only Ziva was completely focussed on the task at hand - a result of her intensive training at MOSSAD. She had gone over every situation they could possibly face on the way to, and once they had reached, the sentry post. All of her personal thoughts and feelings were bundled together in a hidden corner at the very bottom of her mind.

As the trio grew nearer to the sentry post, they pulled their weapons out of their holsters. Tony signalled that he would circle the building anti-clockwise, Ziva would go clockwise and McGee should take the entrance that they could see. Hearts thudded loudly as the adrenalin, that was going to help the agents do the task ahead, was pumped though their bodies.

Tony and Ziva both encountered one guard each. Each of the guards was carrying a British military issued SA80. Tony could see that his guard's weapon was set to automatic fire. Ziva didn't care what her guard's weapon was set to, after one shot to the head, he was too dead to use it. Tony's method was slightly different.

"NCIS! Drop the weapon!" he yelled, knowing it wouldn't work. As soon as he saw the weapon begin to move in his direction he squeezed his trigger and shot the man in the shoulder. The shot caused the man's shoulder to jerk back giving Tony the opportunity to quickly squeeze the trigger twice more, ventilating the bad guy's chest.

Gibbs shifted his hands against the rope binding his wrists behind the back of the chair. He could see Ducky slumped in a chair on the other side of the room. There was dried blood on the M.E.'s face and head and blood trickling from a cut that went through his eyebrow. Gibbs was worried about his friend but all his efforts to free himself only served to further chafe his wrists.

Suddenly Gibbs heard a gunshot in the distance. He barely had a chance to register the fact that the weapon sounded like a government issued handgun and it didn't sound all that far away before his world was plunged into darkness.

Taking a deep breath caused him to choke on the dust that was on whatever had been put over his head. The material felt rough on his face and he was sure that it was sacking, used to make sandbags. Not long after the sacking went on, Gibbs felt a sharp blade pressed against his neck. Obviously something had gone wrong for his captors.

Gibbs wasn't sure if he felt relief at the next voice he heard or fear.

"NCIS! Drop the weapon!" Gibbs recognised McGee's voice instantly. He also noticed the slight quiver that told him that the young agent was nervous. Gibbs didn't speak, he didn't want to give the person holding a knife to his throat a reason to kill him.

"Drop your gun or I slit his throat." Well, at least Gibbs now knew that his potential killer was male. He could also tell that the man would use the knife and he had no idea if McGee could pull the trigger, not after last time. Another shot sounded in the distance but this one was from a different direction.

"Drop your weapon now or you're not leaving this building alive!" McGee's voice was strong and commanding but Gibbs could still here that waver. If he had had time he would have wondered if he was imagining it. Two more gunshots sounded in quick succession in the distance and the knife pressed against his throat even more. Gibbs was sure now that he was about to die. He held his breath and willed his heart to slow. He felt no regrets; at last he would be where he belonged, with his family.

One shot sounded. This one wasn't in the distance; it was very, very close by. Gibbs felt the bullet graze past the sacking. He felt the knife slide down his torso and land in his lap. Then he heard a thump behind him and the man, who had been about to kill him, crashed onto the floor.

Gibbs closed his eyes and when he opened them the sacking was off. McGee was looking at him, a worried expression upon his face. "Are you okay Gibbs?" Gibbs nodded. He didn't really know if he was though. He had been ready to die. He had actually wanted that guy to slit his throat; he had wanted McGee not to have been able to pull the trigger. Where did he get off wishing that kind of guilt upon the younger man?

"Thank you Tim." He whispered. His voice was hoarse from all the emotions that had hit him, while he had been blinded by that sacking. "How's Ducky?" he asked, looking across the room to where Ziva and Tony were untying him.

"We don't know. An ambulance is on its way. It should be here in about ten minutes." It was then that Gibbs realised that he was no longer tied up and that he could get up if he wanted to. He stood and wobbled slightly. McGee was instantly by his side to help support him. Gibbs didn't push him away, he wanted to cross the room to get to his friend and if he needed help to do so then he was going to take it.

Tony and Ziva had finished untying him and they moved out of the way so that Gibbs could get to where Ducky was sitting. He kneeled next to the chair and put his hand on his friend's arm. "I'm sorry I left Ducky. Please hang in there, help is on the way."

Ducky moved his hand and put it over Gibbs'. "Don't worry Jethro I've survived worse than this." He lifted his head to smile reassuringly at Gibbs, but the smile quickly turned into a grimace and Gibbs was anything but reassured.


	9. Chapter 9

Ducky slowly became aware of the fact that was awake. He tried to open his eyes and was glad to find that he could and that, when he did, he could see. Breathing in through his nose, he revelled in the smell of the hospital. Unlike a lot of people, Ducky liked the smell of hospitals. To him they smelt of cleanliness and of the preservation of live, something he found to be a refreshing and welcome change to the stench of death that filled his work and soaked into his clothes and skin.

He let his ears open up to the sounds around him. He found these almost as relaxing as the smells. The constant, rhythmic bleeping of the machines was reassuring to him, even when it wasn't attached to him. It let everyone know that there was still life; that someone was fighting to stay in this world and that that someone was winning.

Finally, he allowed himself to look around and he couldn't help but smile at the sight he saw - his friend, asleep in a chair next to his bed. He couldn't begin to imagine what had brought his friend back to this neck of the wood but he was sure he would soon find out.

"Hello, Jethro," Ducky whispered softly to the man beside him, knowing that if he was awake then a whisper would be enough to get his attention and if he was asleep it wouldn't be enough to wake him. Gibbs did look like he needed the rest. Ducky just couldn't work out if that was because he was finally starting to show his age or if something had happened recently to cause the new lines etched on his face.

"Hey Duck, you're awake." Gibbs looked at him with a smile in is eyes and a little concern too.

"I am, and now, so are you." Ducky's eye's twinkled with laughter and happiness at seeing his friend again. "What brings you here Jethro?"

"To the hospital?" Gibbs asked, confusion covering every inch of his face.

"No," Ducky had to smile in response, "back here. What brings you back to this part of the world?" Ducky almost instantly regretted his question when he saw the deep sadness fill his friend's eyes.

"I'm sorry Ducky. I never meant…"

"Jethro," Ducky tried to interrupt.

"I just wanted…"

"Jethro!"

"I never should have…"

"Gibbs!" This last shout succeeded in getting Gibbs' attention. "I understand."

"You do?" Ducky smiled and nodded, amused by the almost childlike expression of surprise on his friend's face. "You're not mad at me for leaving?"

"No, Jethro. I'm not mad at you. Unlike our young friends I completely understand how you were feeling. You suffered a great shock and a terrible loss and then you were let down by the people you had to trust. I don't blame you in the least. I just hope you found what you needed, where ever it was you went." Gibbs smiled gratefully at Ducky.

"Closure, I found closure and I learnt that this is where I need to be."

"Then welcome home, Jethro." Gibbs grinned.

"Thanks. Do you think Tony will give me a job?" Ducky just grinned back because he really didn't know the answer to that question.


	10. Chapter 10

Gibbs sat in the bland room, looking at his once subordinate and possible future superior and tried not to think about that too much, because it made his head spin. He had asked Jenny, if he would be allowed back, should his team accept. She had told him that NCIS had enough team leaders, but should he wish, and Tony accepted, there was still a spot open for a field agent on his old team.

"You want me to hire you?" Tony said eventually, breaking the silence that had begun to dominate the room.

"Yes, but first I have something to tell you, something that I should have told you before I left but I think when I have finished, you will understand why I couldn't. At least, I hope you will." Gibbs paused, waiting for a sign that Tony wanted him to continue. At the younger agent's nod, Gibbs took a calming breath and began his story.

"Sixteen years ago my wife and daughter were murdered." When Tony opened his mouth to interrupt Gibbs spoke a little faster. "I know you already know this but please let me tell this my way. You can question me afterwards if you till need to.

"I was in the Gulf at the time, fighting in Desert Storm. Only days after I found out I was caught in an explosion and went into a coma. I didn't want to wake up from it DiNozzo. I could have fought, I knew I needed to fight but I didn't want to. I had nothing left to wake up for, except I needed to know that their killer was caught before I could leave. I failed to protect them; I owed them justice.

"NCIS couldn't get the murderer because he moved to Mexico. I didn't care about legalities or making sure he was arrested; I wanted justice for my family. Actually, I wanted revenge. I found out who had killed my girls and I hunted him down. When the bullet hit him all I felt was pain, overwhelming pain.

"When I got home, I made sure all of my affairs were in order and I took my pistol for a walk to the beach." Gibbs paused, when he heard Tony's gasp. He looked Tony in the eye before continuing.

"When I woke up from the last coma, just before I left, it was like I had just found out that they had died again. Then I learnt that 15 years had passed, that I had had another 3 wives, that I'm head of a team of agents, that terrorists flew commercial airliners into the world trade centres, the pentagon and a desert, and that bureaucrats would still rather let good men die than allow certain secrets to become known.

"I wanted nothing more than to take my gun for another walk, and this time I would've made sure that I finished the job." Gibbs paused, giving Tony a chance to say something. Tony remained quiet so Gibbs continued in a quiet voice.

"A suicidal agent is a danger not only to himself but to everyone around him. I couldn't put you or anyone else on the team in that kind of danger." Tony nodded slowly.

"Are you still suicidal?" He asked Gibbs. Gibbs shook his head, deciding it was best for all concerned that he never mention the thoughts that he had had in the warehouse. In any case, if he was given the job then it would be the truth because he would have something, someone, well several someones to live for. This time he wouldn't forget rule 48 or that rule 24 doesn't count between friends.

Tony opened the drawer in the desk and pulled out a gun and badge, Gibbs' gun and badge. He handed slid them across the table and said, "well it just so happens that I need a new agent on my team. You'll do, welcome back Gibbs."

Gibbs grinned, "thanks DiNozzo," he said softly.

"Just remember next time that technically I'm your superior now. I figure that makes us equals at least. That means rules 41 and 43 don't exist between us anymore. You have a problem, you come and talk to me. Hold on, Ducky was never your subordinate, you could have talked to him."

Gibbs smiled, "Ducky understood."

"Ye, he probably did. Come on, it's camp fire time."

The End


End file.
